Back to Black
When I was 15/16 all I ever dreamt was to marry this scientific prodigy or geek as you might prefer, Lucas Wolenczak in Steven Spielberg's futuristic science fiction series SeaQuest DSV, played by Jonathan Gregory Brandis. He was fantastic, he could communicate with dolphins. I loved him so much that I dug out all his movies and watching them over and all over again. I loved him so much that I want to name my son Lucas. And I still do.
As the fantasy died off, I had not kept myself updated on JB, I mean I still remember why I want to name my son Lucas, but I haven't followed any news about this teen idol who technically was my first love. Then over the weekend, I thought I saw someone that looked like him on the TV. So I googgled. Only to realise that he killed himself 4 years ago. At the age of 27. Accordingly to reports, he was depressed about his frailing career. You know, like his best times were over. It was so heart breaking. Almost like knowing that my ex-husband had killed himself. Not depressed, just sad.
It feels almost like it is mandatory for prodigies (stars or those scientific geeks) to have some sort of challenges/tragedies in their lives. You know, it is like once you reached the top, you can only either stay at the top (which like they say can be really lonely) or come down to earth (to turn un-god after being worshipped by people for a while).
One of the main reasons that I loved Jonathan, other than his boyish goodlooks, was his brooding nature. Even though he did play some happy characters, I always thought that he had a dark side to him, a very dark side. And it was this dark side that attracted me. I was seduced by his dark and dry humour, the way that he thought too much, the mystery behind those soulful eyes. It was almost like we can connect. Almost like I could feel his pain. I could almost see his dark end coming.
Wherever you are now, let go of the pain.
As the fantasy died off, I had not kept myself updated on JB, I mean I still remember why I want to name my son Lucas, but I haven't followed any news about this teen idol who technically was my first love. Then over the weekend, I thought I saw someone that looked like him on the TV. So I googgled. Only to realise that he killed himself 4 years ago. At the age of 27. Accordingly to reports, he was depressed about his frailing career. You know, like his best times were over. It was so heart breaking. Almost like knowing that my ex-husband had killed himself. Not depressed, just sad.
It feels almost like it is mandatory for prodigies (stars or those scientific geeks) to have some sort of challenges/tragedies in their lives. You know, it is like once you reached the top, you can only either stay at the top (which like they say can be really lonely) or come down to earth (to turn un-god after being worshipped by people for a while).
One of the main reasons that I loved Jonathan, other than his boyish goodlooks, was his brooding nature. Even though he did play some happy characters, I always thought that he had a dark side to him, a very dark side. And it was this dark side that attracted me. I was seduced by his dark and dry humour, the way that he thought too much, the mystery behind those soulful eyes. It was almost like we can connect. Almost like I could feel his pain. I could almost see his dark end coming.
Wherever you are now, let go of the pain.
1 Comments:
Very tragic. I would like to make it up half way up the mountain.
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